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‘The Untouchables’ With Bill Simmons and Chris Ryan

June 23, 2022 · The Untouchables (1987) · Crime · Drama · Thriller · 1:20:52 · ▶ Listen on Spotify

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Most Rewatchable Scene

Bill Simmons▶ 32:15Multiple scenes including the Al Capone opening barbershop scene, the church scene with Malone, Andy Garcia getting hired, the baseball bat scene, the elevator death scene, and the train station baby carriage shootout
Chris Ryan▶ 38:42Agrees with the train station scene as a masterpiece and mentions enjoying the bridge scene where Malone and Ness first meet

Slow Ride Award

Bill Simmons▶ 46:11The opening theme/credits

Big Kahuna Burger Award

Chris Ryan▶ 46:36Capone's Breakfast in Bed - OJ, Coffee and the papers

Great Shot Gordo Award

Bill Simmons▶ 47:10Mentions the opening barber shot scene as a great shot among many nominees
Chris Ryan▶ 47:22The split diopter shot in the church with Costner and Connery both in focus

Butch's Girlfriend Award

Bill Simmons▶ 47:53Patricia Clarkson's character (Elliot's wife) - says she's a good actress but has nothing to do and no reason to be in the movie
Chris Ryan▶ 48:05Defends Patricia Clarkson's character as necessary for showing Elliot's wholesome life as counterpoint to Capone, but agrees the scenes could have been better written

Is There a Better Title?

Bill Simmons▶ 50:39No better title exists, but offers 'The Chicago Way' as alternative

Best Quote

Bill Simmons▶ 50:52"You married? Nice to be married, huh?" - Costner's line
Chris Ryan▶ 50:56The Chicago Way speech by Connery: "He brings a knife. You bring a gun. You send one of his - he sends one of yours to the hospital. You send one of his to the morgue."

Stephen A. Smith Hottest Take Award

Bill Simmons▶ 53:151987 was Costner's greatest movie year, having both The Untouchables and No Way Out
Chris Ryan▶ 52:21Elliot Ness is a bad coach who sentenced Oscar to death by putting the accountant on witness duty instead of using his playmakers properly

Casting What-Ifs

Bill Simmons▶ 54:14De Palma wanted Don Johnson for Eliot Ness - Bill thinks it would have been an incredible Don Johnson role ('Elliot Ness is definitely smoking if Don Johnson is in this movie'), but Miami Vice wouldn't release him from his contract through 1990. Also: Mickey Rourke allegedly turned down Ness.
Chris Ryan▶ 54:26Called Don Johnson not playing Ness 'a real sliding doors moment,' adding the research nugget that Armani recommended Johnson to De Palma because he was dressing him on Miami Vice.

Half-Assed Internet Research

Bill Simmons▶ 54:42Don Johnson couldn't do movies because Miami Vice wouldn't release him from contract until 1990; Mickey Rourke turned down Elliot Ness; De Niro replaced Bob Hoskins as Capone, with De Palma paying Hoskins $200,000; Jeff Bridges and Tommy Lee Jones were seriously considered for Ness; Brando was offered $5 million for Capone
Chris Ryan▶ 54:36Armani recommended Johnson for the role because he was dressing him on Miami Vice

Overacting Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:02:44Billy Drago — Billy Drago as Frank Nitty
Chris Ryan▶ 59:19Billy Drago — The bow tie gangster who holds the bookkeeper hostage in the train station, and Frank Nitty's death dive

Apex Mountain

Bill Simmons▶ 1:07:27Ferris Bueller's Day Off — No for Costner, De Palma (peak was Dressed to Kill/Blowout era), and De Niro. For older Connery chooses The Rock over this movie. For mid-80s Chicago movies agrees with Ferris Bueller.
Chris Ryan▶ 1:06:31Robert De Niro — Agrees this movie is Capone's apex mountain. For De Palma says no, prefers Mission Impossible. For older Connery chooses The Rock. For mid-80s Chicago movies picks Ferris Bueller as using Chicago the best.

Hall of Fame Plaque

Bill Simmons▶ 1:09:18Either this movie or Scarface for De Palma - the two movies most people saw
Chris Ryan▶ 1:09:06Discusses this movie for De Palma since he wins the Oscar, but acknowledges Bond has to be Connery's

Racehorse Name Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:09:33Offered multiple options: Untouchable, Dago Bastard, or Screaming Irish Pig

Probably Unanswerable Questions

Bill Simmons▶ 1:11:58Didn't have any because this is based on a true story and they hit all the ones
Chris Ryan▶ 1:12:03Wasn't left wondering how things happened - it's believable that the guy didn't file his tax returns

Is This Movie Better With

Bill Simmons▶ 1:14:01Wayne Jenkins

Best Double Feature

Bill Simmons▶ 1:15:01No Way Out — No Way Out - a Costner 1987 doubleheader, No Way Out first, Untouchables second
Chris Ryan▶ 1:14:52Scarface — Scarface - two incredible De Palma crime epics

Coach Finstock Life Lesson

Bill Simmons▶ 1:16:32If you're afraid of getting a rotten apple, don't go to the barrel. Get it off the tree.
Chris Ryan▶ 1:16:42Appreciated the Trust Nobody line and the comedic contradiction when the character asks Scott to trust him right after saying trust nobody

Who Won the Movie

Bill Simmons▶ 1:17:06Kevin Costner — Costner - because he had to prove he could be the leading man and this established the next 10 years of his career
Chris Ryan▶ 1:17:34Sean Connery — Connery - for being so magnetic in a supporting role that fits into a slot

Movies Referenced (47)

Scarface (1983)

14 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 15:58IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Body Double (1984)

11 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 15:58IMDb ↗Lb ↗

No Way Out (1987)

5 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 22:59IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Dressed to Kill (1980)

4 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 17:32IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Angel Heart (1987)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 7:23IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Dick Tracy (1990)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 1:00:23IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Internal Affairs (1990)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 26:16IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Miami Vice (2006)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 54:36IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Once Upon a Time in America (1984)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 7:08IMDb ↗Lb ↗

The Prestige (2006)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 0:15IMDb ↗Lb ↗

The Sting (1973)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 1:05:59IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Batman (1989)

2 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 12:19IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Directors Referenced (8)

Kevin Costner

31 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for Dances with Wolves, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves▶ 2:36IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Sergei Eisenstein

2 mentions · Chris Ryan, Bill Simmons · Known for Alexander Nevsky, Battleship Potemkin▶ 26:44IMDb ↗Lb ↗

David Winning

1 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 1:05:36IMDb ↗Lb ↗

John Hughes

1 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Uncle Buck, The Breakfast Club▶ 1:08:08IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Michael Mann

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for The Insider, Collateral, The Last of the Mohicans▶ 44:17IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Quentin Tarantino

1 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, From Dusk Till Dawn▶ 14:13IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Sam Peckinpah

1 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for The Wild Bunch, Straw Dogs▶ 40:18IMDb ↗Lb ↗

William Hoffa

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Limitless, Furious 7, Creed▶ 15:16IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Actors Referenced (70)

Sean Connery

37 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for Dr. No, The Untouchables, The Rock▶ 2:37IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Robert De Niro

22 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for Cape Fear, Raging Bull, Taxi Driver▶ 2:38IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Don Johnson

10 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for A Boy and His Dog, Django Unchained▶ 54:14IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Andy Garcia

9 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for Ocean's Eleven, The Godfather Part III▶ 1:39IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Albert Brooks

7 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Drive, Broadcast News, Defending Your Life▶ 27:56IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Gene Hackman

5 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for The French Connection, The Royal Tenenbaums, Unforgiven▶ 15:35IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Billy Drago

4 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for The Untouchables▶ 43:42IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Empire of the Sun

4 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for Sex Tape, Hall Pass▶ 1:06:26IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Jack Nicholson

4 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Chinatown, As Good as It Gets, The Departed▶ 5:40IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Bob Hoskins

3 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for The Long Good Friday, Mona Lisa, Who Framed Roger Rabbit▶ 55:33IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Denzel Washington

3 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Fences, The Book of Eli▶ 25:23IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Ennio Morricone

3 mentions · Chris Ryan, Bill Simmons · Known for The Hateful Eight, The Untouchables▶ 19:57IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Writers Referenced (7)

David Mamet

10 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for The Spanish Prisoner, House of Games, State and Main▶ 3:17IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Tony Gilroy

3 mentions · Chris Ryan, Bill Simmons · Known for Michael Clayton, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story▶ 14:07IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Roger Ebert

2 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 26:25IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Brian Michael Bendis

1 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for Captain America: The First Avenger▶ 1:12:56IMDb ↗Lb ↗

John Grisham

1 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for Runaway Jury, The Rainmaker, A Time to Kill▶ 24:50IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Lawrence Kasdan

1 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for The Big Chill, Wyatt Earp▶ 23:07IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Wendy Wasserstein

1 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for The Object of My Affection▶ 11:36IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Cinematographers Referenced (1)

Oliver Moron

4 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Unknown▶ 1:01:40IMDb ↗Lb ↗