Grays Almanac

Home/Episodes/‘Bad Boys’ (1983) With Bill Simmons and Chris Ryan

‘Bad Boys’ (1983) With Bill Simmons and Chris Ryan

March 14, 2023 · Crime · Drama · Thriller · 1:17:13 · ▶ Listen on Spotify

Categories

Stephen A. Smith Hottest Take Award

Bill Simmons▶ 25:58S.I. Morales is a fucking awesome actor, and they had no parts for the guy. If you just put him in a time machine and put him in 2022, there would be parts galore, and he would have been a much bigger deal.

Most Rewatchable Scene

Bill Simmons▶ 37:57Soda can beating scene
Chris Ryan▶ 37:06Soda can beating scene

Apex Mountain

Bill Simmons▶ 39:30Discussed multiple elements including the bald, black, muscular teacher guard guy (Daniel), blonde permafro/Sigma haircut of 1982-83, and Illinois State Penitentiary location
Chris Ryan▶ 40:29Agreed on the blonde permafro haircut being at its peak, noting how security guys for Bon Jovi had this look and it was impossible to tell someone's profession by their hair

Den of Thieves Benihana Award

Bill Simmons▶ 41:49Chicago - early 80s Chicago as featured in the film and other movies of that era
Chris Ryan▶ 42:10Agrees with Chicago choice and discusses how it connects to other Chicago crime films like Thief, suggesting an extended Chicago crime universe

Big Kahuna Burger Award

Bill Simmons▶ 47:25Booger in the green beans
Chris Ryan▶ 47:40Discussed Horowitz dumping stuff on spinach but didn't give a definitive pick

Great Shot Gordo Award

Bill Simmons▶ 47:52Final scene - wide shot of Penn walking back to his cell and everyone reassembling the stuff and letting the guards out
Chris Ryan▶ 48:03One take of Mick and the young kid getting introduced into the reform school - pans around to all the guys clapping

Butch's Girlfriend Award

Bill Simmons▶ 48:30The abrupt scene where Mick escapes to see his girlfriend - he's there for 90 seconds then gets caught immediately
Chris Ryan▶ 48:51Agrees it's a narrative device that feels unnecessary - could have just had Paco coming into prison without the extra layer of vengeance

Ron Burgundy Flute Award

Bill Simmons▶ 52:04The rape scene

What's Aged the Worst

Bill Simmons▶ 52:04The rape scene — 'really rough... way too violent,' a brutal couple of minutes emblematic of the mid-'70s-to-'83/'84 era when movies went over the line with sexual assault (cites the Death Wish movies); it doubles as his Ron Burgundy Flute Award pick for best time for a pee break.
Chris Ryan▶ 52:38Agreed it's tough — the scene plays like a drawn-out slasher movie (she's on the train, then she's running away); no separate pick of his own in the window.

Is There a Better Title?

Bill Simmons▶ 53:30No better title - Bad Boys was a great title and should have remained unique to this movie
Chris Ryan▶ 53:13No better title - Bad Boys is actually a pretty cool title for this movie

Best Quote

Bill Simmons▶ 54:00I lost my brother. All you lost was some skin.

Casting What-Ifs

Bill Simmons▶ 59:12Suggests nobody could play Mick O'Brien in 2023, dismisses Chalamet, doesn't provide a specific alternative
Chris Ryan▶ 59:39Jack O'Connell — Jack O'Connell for recasting Mick O'Brien in 2023

Racehorse Name Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:03:44Soda Can Beating or Mick O'Brien
Chris Ryan▶ 1:03:54Viking and Tweety or Smacks (prefers Smacks)

Is This Movie Better With

Bill Simmons▶ 1:07:13Wayne Jenkins
Chris Ryan▶ 1:07:22Wayne Jenkins as Mick, referencing the 'God damn Horowitz!' line

Probably Unanswerable Questions

Bill Simmons▶ 1:08:12Multiple questions including: Why didn't Eric Gurry make it in Hollywood? What would Bad Boys 2 plot be (suggests Paco's revenge)? Would you take 4 weeks solitary or 4 months added time? What were Viking's injuries and recovery time?
Chris Ryan▶ 1:09:23Bad Boys 2 should feature Sean Penn and Isai Morales as warden/floor boss helping inmates. For solitary vs 4 months added time, would probably choose the 4 months after experiencing 9 days of COVID isolation.

Best Double Feature

Bill Simmons▶ 1:11:39Tuff Turf — Tough Turf with James Spader - a 1985 LA high school gone haywire movie
Chris Ryan▶ 1:11:56The Warriors — The Warriors - described as a more fantastical version of the same tribal gang culture

Coach Finstock Life Lesson

Bill Simmons▶ 1:13:24Everyone needs a barn boss

Who Won the Movie

Bill Simmons▶ 1:13:54Sean Penn
Chris Ryan▶ 1:13:54Sean Penn

Movies Referenced (31)

Bad Boys (1995)

33 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 1:54IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Risky Business (1983)

6 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 3:05IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Halloween (1978)

4 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 4:47IMDb ↗Lb ↗

La Bamba (1987)

4 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 26:10IMDb ↗Lb ↗

The Prestige (2006)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan0:00IMDb ↗Lb ↗

True Romance (1993)

3 mentions · Chris Ryan▶ 46:04IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Carlito's Way (1993)

2 mentions · Chris Ryan, Bill Simmons▶ 9:42IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Casualties of War (1989)

2 mentions · Chris Ryan▶ 22:28IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Dead Man Walking (1995)

2 mentions · Chris Ryan, Bill Simmons▶ 9:32IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Fargo (1996)

2 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 56:20IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Back to the Future (1985)

1 mentions · Chris Ryan▶ 1:03:28IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Call Me by Your Name (2017)

1 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 16:33IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Directors Referenced (8)

Sean Penn

68 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for Mystic River, 21 Grams, Dead Man Walking▶ 2:17IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Rick Rosenthal

7 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 4:47IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Jack O'Connell

3 mentions · Chris Ryan▶ 59:19IMDb ↗Lb ↗

John Carpenter

3 mentions · Chris Ryan, Bill Simmons · Known for Dark Star, Halloween▶ 4:47IMDb ↗Lb ↗

John Cassavetes

1 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for Rosemary's Baby, A Woman Under the Influence▶ 17:41IMDb ↗Lb ↗

John Hughes

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Uncle Buck, The Breakfast Club▶ 41:59IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Philip D'Antoni

1 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for The French Connection▶ 27:21IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Sidney Lumet

1 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, 12 Angry Men▶ 27:21IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Actors Referenced (47)

Paco Moreno

24 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan▶ 29:46IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Matt Dillon

8 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for There's Something About Mary, Crash, Drugstore Cowboy▶ 3:13IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Tom Cruise

7 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for Top Gun, Mission: Impossible II, Minority Report▶ 3:05IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Clancy Brown

6 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for The Shawshank Redemption, Starship Troopers▶ 24:05IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Tom Sizemore

6 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Saving Private Ryan, Black Hawk Down▶ 44:14IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Al Pacino

5 mentions · Chris Ryan, Bill Simmons · Known for Dog Day Afternoon, The Godfather▶ 17:50IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Ally Sheedy

4 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for WarGames, Short Circuit, The Breakfast Club▶ 23:58IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Philip Baker Hall

4 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Magnolia, Boogie Nights, Hard Eight▶ 0:14IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Eric Gurry

3 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 1:02:44IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Jamie Lee Curtis

3 mentions · Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan · Known for True Lies, Everything Everywhere All at Once▶ 1:01:19IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Jerry Seinfeld

3 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Bee Movie▶ 57:55IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Leonardo DiCaprio

3 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for Inception, The Wolf of Wall Street, The Departed▶ 7:41IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Writers Referenced (1)

Jack London

2 mentions · Chris Ryan · Known for The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, The Call of the Wild▶ 7:59IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Cinematographers Referenced (1)

Aymeric Colas

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for The Substance▶ 1:05:11IMDb ↗Lb ↗