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‘Draft Day’ With Bill Simmons and Mallory Rubin

May 14, 2020 · Draft Day (2014) · Drama · Sport · 1:40:31 · ▶ Listen on Spotify

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Probably Unanswerable Questions

Bill Simmons▶ 9:52Three completely indefensible trades from a football standpoint - Seattle's GM calling on draft day to make unprecedented trades, Sonny making decisions without consulting anyone including his owner or staff, and the unrealistic nature of all three trades happening within a 12-hour window
Bill Simmons▶ 1:24:34What happened at Bo Callahan's 21st birthday party — were his teammates there or not, and if none of 85 scholarship players showed, how did that not surface in draft prep?; plus how has the $100-playbook trick worked for eight years without agents catching on?
Mallory Rubin▶ 11:20The logistics of all the trades happening on draft day within a 12-hour window with no prior planning by any team, and the naming confusion between Sonny Jr. and his deceased father Coach Weaver
Mallory Rubin▶ 1:24:43Why did Sonny have to vilify himself by firing his own father instead of another way to get Coach off the sideline?; doesn't buy that not one teammate attended Bo's party; and questions about Bo's 'pack of 12' website — is that a full-on sex tape in the left rail, and why does the site have a sign-in?

Half-Assed Internet Research

Bill Simmons▶ 27:23The Jets backed out of the movie, Arizona would have been perfect as an alternative because they needed a QB and it's realistic they would mess up the draft
Mallory Rubin▶ 26:15The foil team was supposed to be the Jets instead of the Seahawks, which would have made the movie work much better because the Jets would believably make such mistakes

Most Rewatchable Scene

Bill Simmons▶ 41:16Agreed 100% — Costner getting his picks back is the scene he'd always stop and watch on TV ('Cool, Costner's getting his picks back. Definitely watching this.'); his candidate list included the pancakes trade negotiation, Boseman's first scene, the Callahan-trade reveal, and 'watch the tape'
Mallory Rubin▶ 39:32The second Seahawks trade — Sonny maneuvering Seattle to the sixth pick and getting his number ones back (capped by 'say it with me, you pancake-eating motherfucker') — 'the closest thing in this movie to flawless'; also loved the Bo birthday-party and $100-bill playbook reveals

What's Aged the Worst

Bill Simmons▶ 50:45Offered no aged-worst item of his own in this window; brushed off Mallory's split-screen complaint ('I'm not listening') and rejected her 'don't Twitter' aged-worst take, counting the social-media advice as aged-the-best instead ('there's not a lot of upside with Twitter').
Mallory Rubin▶ 43:14The split-screen phone-call effect — the logic was sound but the effect is distracting and dated in the TikTok age; she also filed Sonny's 'don't Twitter' advice under aged-worst (incongruous with how the NFL now wants players marketing themselves on social media) and flagged the NFL/official-involvement underbelly for aged-worst.

What's Aged the Best

Bill Simmons▶ 51:12Jacksonville having a terrible GM and A throwback Costner performance (he's as likable as ever)
Mallory Rubin▶ 51:59Costner in a sports movie - he's undefeated and the Michael Jordan of sports movies

Casting What-Ifs

Bill Simmons▶ 1:07:28Should have been the Bills instead of the Browns - would have been more fun and accomplished the same goals without the Browns being too much of a train wreck
Mallory Rubin▶ 1:08:32Prefers the Browns to the Bills - Browns represent the right kind of incompetence that makes their success more satisfying, though Bills would have captured the same fan devotion

Joey Pants Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:09:50Patrick St. Esprit — Patrick Saint Espirit (Tom, the Seattle GM) - 'I didn't know what that guy's name was. I had to look it up. Anytime I see him in anything else, I'm like, oh, it's the Seahawks GM.'
Mallory Rubin▶ 1:09:58W. Earl Brown — Two nominees: W. Earl Brown (Ralph/Dan from Deadwood) and Brad William Henke (the Strength Coach Tony Bagley) - 'He does have one of those faces that when you see him, you're like, oh, my God, it's that guy.'

Apex Mountain

Bill Simmons▶ 1:17:5621st Century Browns - the last 15 minutes of this movie is the happiest moment the Browns have had in the 21st century
Mallory Rubin▶ 1:18:50Agrees the Browns case is compelling but suggests the brief moment of collective madness when everyone thought the Browns would break through last season might top it

Picking Nits

Bill Simmons▶ 1:20:00The Browns owner getting from the draft at Radio City back to Cleveland in ~40-45 minutes is impossible ('minimum two hours fifteen'); also nits that Sonny Weaver fired his own father, and the flawless multi-war-room conference-call audio.
Mallory Rubin▶ 1:20:48Broke down the math on the owner's trip (midtown traffic alone kills it; 466 miles LaGuardia-to-Cleveland over the span of picks 2-5, i.e. 40 minutes — 'this is not possible'); also the Sonny-fired-his-own-father logic (filed with unanswerable questions), citing Survivor's Sierra voting out her mother.

Best Quote

Bill Simmons▶ 1:30:16Two quotes: 'How is it that the biggest prize and the most macho sport ever invented is a piece of jewelry?' and 'No one can stop a ticking clock, but the great ones, they can slow it down.'
Mallory Rubin▶ 1:31:09Two quotes: 'You're on Twitter' / 'You're not' exchange between Sonny and his mother, and 'Anthony, I need five minutes. All right. Five minutes. And then you can fire me.'

Who Won the Movie

Bill Simmons▶ 1:36:47Kevin Costner — Costner
Mallory Rubin▶ 1:36:49Kevin Costner — Costner

Movies Referenced (20)

Armageddon (1998)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 1:40:02IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Field of Dreams (1989)

3 mentions · Mallory Rubin, Bill Simmons▶ 5:14IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Bull Durham (1988)

2 mentions · Mallory Rubin, Bill Simmons▶ 5:14IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Ghostbusters (1984)

2 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 31:29IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Jerry Maguire (1996)

2 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 27:31IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Beautiful Girls (1996)

1 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 34:29IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Blue Chips (1994)

1 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 35:50IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Dirty Dancing (1987)

1 mentions · ▶ 1:39:42IMDb ↗Lb ↗

For Love of the Game (1999)

1 mentions · Mallory Rubin▶ 52:26IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Green Room (2015)

1 mentions · Mallory Rubin▶ 1:03:43IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Kindergarten Cop (1990)

1 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 31:29IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

1 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 4:28IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Directors Referenced (5)

Kevin Costner

39 mentions · Bill Simmons, Mallory Rubin · Known for Dances with Wolves, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves▶ 2:08IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Roger Goodell

10 mentions · Bill Simmons, Mallory Rubin · Known for Draft Day▶ 2:40IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Ivan Reitman

2 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Up in the Air, Ghostbusters▶ 31:13IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Derwin James

1 mentions · Mallory Rubin▶ 45:52IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Jason Reitman

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Up in the Air, Saturday Night, Thank You for Smoking▶ 31:45IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Actors Referenced (37)

Jennifer Garner

8 mentions · Bill Simmons, Mallory Rubin · Known for Daredevil, 13 Going on 30▶ 2:12IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Sam Elliott

7 mentions · Mallory Rubin, Bill Simmons · Known for A Star Is Born, The Hero, Hulk▶ 1:00:47IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Chadwick Boseman

6 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Black Panther, Captain America: Civil War▶ 33:17IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Matt Leinart

6 mentions · Bill Simmons, Mallory Rubin · Known for The House Bunny▶ 1:33:01IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Chris Berman

5 mentions · Bill Simmons, Mallory Rubin · Known for The Longest Yard, Draft Day▶ 26:03IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Frank Langella

5 mentions · Bill Simmons, Mallory Rubin · Known for The Trial of the Chicago 7▶ 35:19IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Bernie Kosar

3 mentions · Mallory Rubin · Known for Draft Day▶ 1:03:35IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Dan Marino

3 mentions · Mallory Rubin · Known for Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Any Given Sunday, Bad Boys II▶ 19:53IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Jeff Carson

3 mentions · Mallory Rubin · Known for The Greatest Showman, No Way Out, Jumper▶ 24:54IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Kevin Dunn

3 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Transformers, Warrior, Chain Reaction▶ 48:42IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Armie Hammer

2 mentions · Bill Simmons, Mallory Rubin · Known for Call Me by Your Name, The Social Network, The Lone Ranger▶ 1:28:57IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Elando Baltimore

2 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 1:18:03IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Writers Referenced (1)

Rajiv Joseph

1 mentions · Mallory Rubin · Known for Draft Day▶ 1:08:58IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Cinematographers Referenced (1)

Michael Grantland

2 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for The Taking of Pelham 123, The Other Guys▶ 6:00IMDb ↗Lb ↗