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‘Rocky IV’ With Bill Simmons, Cousin Sal, and Kyle Brandt

January 4, 2022 · Rocky IV (1985) · Drama · Sport · 1:43:08 · ▶ Listen on Spotify

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Probably Unanswerable Questions

Bill SimmonsWarner Wolf's best line - 'I can't get over the size of this Russian' as one of the iconic lines he and his friend would quote▶ 22:01
Cousin SalWas it East versus West or man against man - says it was man against man, citing Rocky's question to Apollo about whether it's him against Drago or him against himself▶ 20:30
Kyle BrandtHow long were they in Russia - thinks it was 6-7 weeks based on Rocky's beard growth▶ 14:09

Most Rewatchable Scene

Bill SimmonsThe two training sequences together▶ 33:16

What's Aged the Best

Bill SimmonsThe over-the-top steroids natural montage, high-tech sporting equipment being ahead of its time, 31.9% of the movie being montages, and Ivan Drago as his final pick▶ 1:01:00
Cousin SalThe opening credits (agreeing with SPEAKER_02's pick)▶ 1:00:27
Kyle BrandtThe opening credits with the two boxing gloves (Soviet and American) smashing into each other▶ 1:00:03

What's Aged the Worst

Bill SimmonsMultiple picks including: the patriotism feeling harder to identify with in 2020's splintered nation, Rocky movies starting with recaps from previous films, Sickle the robot (though he's pro-robot), sloppy SI magazine covers, Rocky as a terrible trainer who froze during Apollo's death, Brigitte's Russian accent, and Stallone/Nielsen's short-lived marriage▶ 1:01:04
Cousin SalMultiple picks including: the trope of characters accidentally catching bad news on TV (Apollo by the pool scene), Pauly's inappropriate dialogue with the robot that wouldn't fly in 2020, and Rocky's poor performance as Apollo's trainer▶ 1:01:57
Kyle BrandtPauly making love to the robot and his creepy sexual dialogue about getting the robot's wires tied so she doesn't get pregnant▶ 1:03:22

Joey Pants Award

Cousin SalMichael PatakiAgrees with Michael Pataki choice, noting he 'does look like that guy' and appears in Night Shift▶ 1:10:12

Half-Assed Internet Research

Bill SimmonsShared multiple trivia facts: Stallone nearly died from Dolph's punch causing heart swelling and 200+ blood pressure, production stopped 3 weeks; Carl Weathers almost walked off due to Dolph being too physical causing 4-day work stoppage; Italian dub changed 'I must break you' to 'te spiezo in due' which entered everyday speech; Russia scenes filmed in Wyoming, fight in Vancouver; Tony Burton beat Stanley Kubrick at chess on The Shining set▶ 1:13:32
Cousin SalAdded details about Stallone going from Canada to Santa Monica Hospital for 8 days, speculated the movie would make $500 million if incident happened today, discussed Carl Weathers beef with Lundgren and Stallone having to broker peace, compared 'I must break you' favorably to 'I'll break you in two'▶ 1:13:57
Kyle BrandtJoked about using 'te spiezo in due, bitch' for fantasy football matchups, said 'I must break you' is much better than 'I'll break you in two'▶ 1:15:25

Apex Mountain

Bill SimmonsSylvester StalloneYes for Sylvester Stallone (1985-86), Yes for Dolph Lundgren, Rocky III for Survivor, Yes for Warner Wolf, Yes for Barry Tompkins, Yes for sit-ups off the ceiling, Maybe for Russian national anthem, Yes for wet blanket sports movie wives, Yes for Tony Burton, No for James Brown, Yes for eerie evil 80s synthesizer music▶ 1:16:18
Cousin SalSylvester StalloneAgrees on Stallone's apex being 1985-86, prefers Nikolai Volkov/Iron Sheik for Russian national anthem over this movie, agrees on wet blanket wives and sit-ups▶ 1:17:21
Kyle BrandtSylvester StalloneAgrees Stallone's 1985-86 apex, prefers Cuban Missile Crisis over Cold War generally, mentions Hunt for Red October and Nintendo ice hockey for Russian anthem, strongly agrees on wet blanket wives▶ 1:16:42

Picking Nits

Bill SimmonsMultiple nits: Should Drago face murder charges? Soviet heavyweights weren't allowed to box professionals during Cold War. Missing boxing board scene likely cut due to Stallone's vanity. Time continuity issues with retirement/marriage timeline.▶ 1:24:27
Cousin SalPaulie's physical comedy was weak (whipped cream and snow fall scenes). Time issues with Apollo possibly having other fights after Rocky 2. No doctors present at the fight.▶ 1:25:14
Kyle BrandtDrago shouldn't face murder charges, comparing it to Miles Garrett not getting assault charges for the helmet incident▶ 1:24:43

Best Quote

Bill SimmonsListed five options: 'Throw the damn towel', 'What started out as a joke has turned into a disaster', 'You can't win', 'He's chopping the Russian down', 'If I can change, you can change. Everyone can change'▶ 1:28:08
Cousin SalThrow the damn towel▶ 1:28:34
Kyle BrandtThrow the damn towel▶ 1:28:21

Who Won the Movie

Bill SimmonsDolph LundgrenIvan Drago (choosing between Drago and America as final options)▶ 1:41:26
Cousin SalDolph LundgrenDolph Lundgren as Ivan Drago (calling him top 3-4 movie villain of all time)▶ 1:41:02

Movies Referenced (37)

Title (year)LinksMentionsMentioned byFirst
Creed (2015)IMDb ↗Lb ↗15Bill Simmons, Cousin Sal, Kyle Brandt▶ 22:04
The Ring (2002)IMDb ↗Lb ↗10Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons, Cousin Sal▶ 5:01
Rocky III (1982)IMDb ↗Lb ↗8Bill Simmons, Cousin Sal, Kyle Brandt▶ 4:42
Beverly Hills Cop (1984)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons▶ 1:07:49
Can't Buy Me Love (1987)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons▶ 51:13
Fargo (1996)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons▶ 54:32
Halloween (1978)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Kyle Brandt▶ 1:23:23
Hugo (2011)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons▶ 12:37
Point Break (1991)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 5:12
Rambo (2008)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 1:16:10
Rocky Balboa (2006)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Kyle Brandt▶ 47:33
Rocky V (1990)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons▶ 57:35

Directors Referenced (2)

NameLinksMentionsMentioned byKnown ForFirst
Ron HowardIMDb ↗Lb ↗1Bill SimmonsA Beautiful Mind▶ 18:39
Stanley KubrickIMDb ↗Lb ↗1Bill SimmonsA Clockwork Orange, Barry Lyndon▶ 1:15:51

Actors Referenced (45)

NameLinksMentionsMentioned byKnown ForFirst
Dolph LundgrenIMDb ↗Lb ↗15Bill Simmons, Cousin Sal, Kyle BrandtRocky IV, Masters of the Universe▶ 9:27
James BrownIMDb ↗Lb ↗14Bill Simmons, Cousin Sal, Kyle BrandtThe Blues Brothers, Django Unchained▶ 34:25
Warner WolfIMDb ↗Lb ↗10Bill Simmons, Cousin Sal, Kyle BrandtRocky IV, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days▶ 21:23
Carl WeathersIMDb ↗Lb ↗7Cousin Sal, Bill Simmons, Kyle BrandtRocky, Predator, Happy Gilmore▶ 20:53
Brigitte NielsenIMDb ↗Lb ↗6Bill Simmons, Cousin SalBeverly Hills Cop II▶ 9:41
Eddie MurphyIMDb ↗Lb ↗6Bill Simmons, Cousin SalThe Nutty Professor, Beverly Hills Cop II▶ 18:24
Frank StalloneIMDb ↗Lb ↗6Cousin Sal, Bill SimmonsRambo: First Blood Part II▶ 17:43
Robert TepperIMDb ↗Lb ↗6Bill Simmons, Cousin Sal, Kyle BrandtCobra, Get Hard▶ 15:58
Barry TompkinsIMDb ↗Lb ↗5Bill SimmonsRocky IV▶ 47:56
John CaffertyIMDb ↗Lb ↗5Bill SimmonsCobra, There's Something About Mary, Rocky IV▶ 10:26
Arnold SchwarzeneggerIMDb ↗Lb ↗4Kyle BrandtTerminator 2: Judgment Day, The Terminator▶ 48:38
Burt YoungIMDb ↗Lb ↗4Cousin Sal, Kyle BrandtRocky, Rocky Balboa, Rocky IV▶ 11:04

Writers Referenced (1)

NameLinksMentionsMentioned byKnown ForFirst
Roger EbertIMDb ↗Lb ↗1Bill Simmons▶ 27:24