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‘Hard to Kill’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt

June 16, 2022 · Hard to Kill (1990) · Action · Crime · Drama · 1:33:36

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What's Aged the Best

Kyle BrandtMovie titles where it's 'Steven Seagal is' followed by the title, like 'marked for death' - loves this format that can be applied to any actor▶ 12:04

Half-Assed Internet Research

Bill SimmonsBudget was $11.5 million, made $59 million, 22nd biggest movie of 1990. Seagal also had the 23rd biggest movie (Out for Justice). Roger Ebert declined to review it. Quotes from Mike Ovitz's book about Seagal comparing himself to Dustin Hoffman and Robert De Niro, and Seagal wanting the My Left Foot script instead of Daniel Day-Lewis.▶ 21:37
Kyle BrandtMade jokes about the research findings, particularly about Seagal doing a My Right Foot sequel straight to video, and commented on Roger Ebert being 'out' on reviewing the movie.▶ 21:35

Dion Waiters Award

Bill SimmonsDiscussed multiple scenes including the liquor store execution and Seagal's hospital/coma scene, suggesting the hospital hitman scene as 'probably the winner'▶ 29:54
Kyle BrandtThe liquor store scene where a character says 'hey, maybe I'll be in a pool and ho' then gets executed▶ 28:47

Big Kahuna Burger Award

Bill SimmonsSenator Trent having champagne in a hot tub with what seems to be a stripper▶ 47:24
Kyle BrandtO'Malley and Seagal rekindling with Miller Highlifes▶ 47:49

Den of Thieves Benihana Award

Bill SimmonsThe liquor store▶ 48:20
Kyle BrandtThe Ohio house▶ 48:37

Butch's Girlfriend Award

Bill SimmonsO'Malley's hiding scenes with his mom, Kelly LeBrock's terrible performance, Seagal's cheap-looking coma hair/beard combo, Vernon Trent's overused 'take that to the bank' catchphrase, and lack of intimacy coordinator▶ 48:52
Kyle BrandtAgrees the movie has little fat at 95 minutes, supports criticism of Seagal's Halloween costume-like beard that looks like 'Wooly Willie' magnetic hair toy▶ 49:08

What's Aged the Worst

Bill SimmonsThe rapid recovery from coma and Mason Storm moving on from his brutally murdered wife in just five days▶ 54:14
Kyle BrandtKelly LeBrock's character - one of the worst female characters ever put on film, including her inappropriate behavior with the coma patient and the problematic love scene▶ 53:06

Is There a Better Title?

Bill SimmonsNo, Hard to Kill is the better title over the original Seven Year Storm▶ 54:44
Kyle BrandtHard to Kill is better - you have to go with Hard to Kill over Seven Year Storm▶ 55:15

Best Quote

Bill Simmons"I'm gonna take you to the blood bank" - considers it maybe the best quote ever in a movie▶ 55:31
Kyle BrandtAgrees with "blood bank" quote and theorizes it was a Seagal ad lib improvement over "I'm going to take you to the bank"▶ 55:53

Stephen A. Smith Hottest Take Award

Bill SimmonsSteven Seagal was the Billy Corgan of action movies - incredible five years, influential and important, but became a punchline due to being loathsome and annoying, retroactively tainting his good movies▶ 59:56
Kyle BrandtThe entire movie premise and story was completely stolen by Quentin Tarantino for Kill Bill - both feature someone betrayed, killed, left for dead in a coma, people having sex with them while in coma, then coming back for revenge▶ 59:00

Overacting Award

Bill SimmonsWilliam Sadler — O'Malley for his death scene▶ 1:02:33

Teddy KGB Award

Bill SimmonsSteven Seagal — Initially considered Seagal but questioned penalizing him since he's starring; suggested it should go to Seagal▶ 1:05:14
Kyle BrandtSteven Seagal — Steven Seagal - 'all roads lead to Seagal' because everyone else is just straight▶ 1:05:18

Apex Mountain

Bill SimmonsUnder Siege — Under Siege for Seagal (not this movie), Cobra for murder attempts in empty hospitals, 1990 as apex for action movies overall▶ 1:13:12
Kyle BrandtUnder Siege — Under Siege for Seagal, acupuncture representation, Cobra for hospital murder attempts, The Fugitive for shitty hitmen, Ojai for movie locations▶ 1:13:25

Hall of Fame Plaque

Bill SimmonsDebates between Hard to Kill and Under Siege, ultimately leans toward Under Siege as it was most successful, though Hard to Kill was Seagal's funniest▶ 1:18:47
Kyle BrandtOut for Justice for true Seagal fans (cue ball scene), but acknowledges Under Siege for the masses, suggests maybe two plaques▶ 1:19:10

Racehorse Name Award

Bill SimmonsMason Storm▶ 1:19:38
Kyle BrandtAgrees Mason Storm is badass, but also suggests Blood Bank and Sonny Storm as alternatives▶ 1:19:42

Is This Movie Better With

Bill SimmonsDanny Trejo — Danny Trejo as one of Senator Trent's bad guys.▶ 1:24:23
Kyle BrandtPhilip Baker Hall — Philip Baker Hall as O'Malley, delivering lines as Floyd Gondoli: 'Your dad is alive and I like butter in my ass and lollipops in my mouth.'▶ 1:24:39

Just One Oscar

Bill SimmonsNobody in this movie should get an Oscar; instead give it to whoever made the best cigar running montage on YouTube▶ 1:25:04

Probably Unanswerable Questions

Bill SimmonsWouldn't ramming a rifle into Senator Trent's mouth have knocked all of his teeth out?▶ 1:30:04
Kyle BrandtAcknowledges the question about the teeth damage and notes there's a quick shot of Sadler with a broken tooth prosthetic▶ 1:30:11

Coach Finstock Life Lesson

Bill SimmonsAnticipation of death is worse than death itself and Learn how to heal people to be great, to hurt people is easy▶ 1:30:31
Kyle BrandtLearn how to heal people, hurt people is easy and Superior attitude, superior state of mind▶ 1:30:44

Movies Referenced (46)

Title (year)LinksMentionsMentioned byFirst
Under Siege (1992)IMDb ↗Lb ↗20Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 4:51
Weird Science (1985)IMDb ↗Lb ↗5Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 39:39
Die Hard (1988)IMDb ↗Lb ↗3Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 4:24
Die Hard 2 (1990)IMDb ↗Lb ↗3Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 4:24
Total Recall (1990)IMDb ↗Lb ↗3Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 4:29
Crank (2006)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons▶ 57:33
Fargo (1996)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons▶ 24:19
Good Time (2017)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons▶ 28:42
Rocky III (1982)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons▶ 2:30
Sinister (2012)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 47:08
The Fugitive (1993)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 13:39
The Prestige (2006)IMDb ↗Lb ↗2▶ 0:03

Directors Referenced (5)

NameLinksMentionsMentioned byKnown ForFirst
Tom BradyIMDb ↗Lb ↗5Bill Simmons, Kyle BrandtThe Hot Chick▶ 1:07:07
Billy BlanksIMDb ↗Lb ↗4Kyle Brandt, Bill SimmonsThe Last Boy Scout, Jack and Jill, Kiss the Girls▶ 10:36
Quentin TarantinoIMDb ↗Lb ↗2Kyle BrandtReservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, From Dusk Till Dawn▶ 59:06
Andrew DavisIMDb ↗Lb ↗1Bill SimmonsThe Fugitive, Under Siege▶ 13:39
Clint EastwoodIMDb ↗Lb ↗1Bill SimmonsMillion Dollar Baby, Gran Torino, Unforgiven▶ 7:44

Actors Referenced (59)

NameLinksMentionsMentioned byKnown ForFirst
Steven SeagalIMDb ↗Lb ↗200Bill Simmons, Kyle BrandtUnder Siege 2: Dark Territory▶ 1:50
Kelly LeBrockIMDb ↗Lb ↗24Bill Simmons, Kyle BrandtWeird Science, Hard to Kill▶ 13:53
Dean NorrisIMDb ↗Lb ↗7Bill SimmonsTerminator 2: Judgment Day, Total Recall▶ 1:03:26
Philip Baker HallIMDb ↗Lb ↗7Kyle Brandt, Bill SimmonsMagnolia, Boogie Nights▶ 1:18:34
Steve BuscemiIMDb ↗Lb ↗7Bill Simmons, Kyle BrandtFargo, Reservoir Dogs▶ 45:22
Chuck NorrisIMDb ↗Lb ↗5Bill Simmons▶ 7:23
Johnny CarsonIMDb ↗Lb ↗4Bill Simmons, Kyle BrandtFargo▶ 47:08
William ForsytheIMDb ↗Lb ↗4Kyle Brandt, Bill SimmonsRaising Arizona▶ 13:10
Anderson SilvaIMDb ↗Lb ↗3Kyle Brandt▶ 10:31
Danny TrejoIMDb ↗Lb ↗3Bill Simmons, Kyle BrandtMachete, From Dusk Till Dawn, Predators▶ 1:24:15
John AshtonIMDb ↗Lb ↗3Bill SimmonsGone Baby Gone, Beverly Hills Cop, Beverly Hills Cop II▶ 1:07:57
Mark WahlbergIMDb ↗Lb ↗3Bill Simmons, Kyle BrandtThe Fighter, Boogie Nights, The Departed▶ 12:57

Writers Referenced (2)

NameLinksMentionsMentioned byKnown ForFirst
Julie SiegeIMDb ↗Lb ↗18Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 4:51
Roger EbertIMDb ↗Lb ↗3Bill Simmons▶ 21:55

Cinematographers Referenced (2)

NameLinksMentionsMentioned byKnown ForFirst
Alex RodriguezIMDb ↗Lb ↗1Kyle BrandtTwister, The Happening, Memoirs of an Invisible Man▶ 1:29:17
Michael GrantlandIMDb ↗Lb ↗1Bill SimmonsThe Other Guys▶ 4:05